Paine Hill
Ct.
Sunday, February 24, 2002
Reported by Doug Abrams

Well, at the last minute, actually, only 5 days before the trail ride, we had to change locations from Bulls Head Rd. in xxx County, N.Y. to Paine Hill in Connecticut. So now a new plan had to be made for the following weekend. I called our contact up at Eastern 4-Wheelers and made arrangements for us to be led through Paine Hill trail. Many thanks to Paul and Dave from Eastern 4 Wheelers for their help in a great day of ‘wheeling. Paine Hill is an abandoned town road open to the public that runs through state parkland, in northeastern Connecticut. Most of the trail is little more than a dirt road through the woods, a pleasant ride, but not too exciting. Turnout from the club was not bad: me in the Barkmobile, Bob 'Two-Jeeps' in his TJ, prospective member Joe in Bob’s YJ, Chen the Madman in his purple TJ (we really have to come up with a name for this Jeep), Lil' Marc in the Tan Whale, Smiley Evan in EE Rex, with the added treat of Rocky Bulldog as a passenger, Fanman Trevor, in his overpowered CJ, Big Mark 'Silverback' in his clean white YJ, and Mikey 'the Rat' in his fine rig (which you all will be please to know he has wisely chosen not to sell, despite gonad-squeezing pressure from some unknown source, ahem) with the special added pleasure of Wrecker Reed in his passenger’s seat. Biggest surprise of all was the appearance of Glen T. and his boys in Glen’s Bronco II. He emerged for his annual run with LIOR, and had such a good time he swore this would not be his only run this year. Was nice to see Glen. We met up with Paul and Dave in Paul’s full-size Bronco, and another fella, damned if I can remember his name, ‘wheeling a Cherokee from Texas. After a short ride on paved and graded roads we eased over the bank into the woods to start the trail. A short way in is the first and best obstacle of the trail, a stream crossing followed by a waterhole reminiscent of the 'Bathtub' up on Lamentation. Just before the stream the trail curved hard to the right, then back to the left as it dropped down into a streambed, crossed over and dropped right down into the waterhole. There was little snow in the woods but there was ice in the stream and the waterhole was completely frozen over with a layer of ice about six to ten inches thick. Paul eased out onto the ice, and got more than a full truck length out on the ice before he went through, front end dropping into the water with a crunching splash, followed by his rear as he eased forward. At the far end of the waterhole the trail climbs up out of the hole and turns to the right, Paul made several bashes through the ice before he managed to scramble up out of the waterhole on the other side. I followed, and discovered that as you came through the hole you had to kind of keep to the left, even at the exit of the hole. It took me three tries to climb out, but no sweat really and I moved on down the trail. Our Texas friend got a little hung up climbing out of the hole, so I had to give him a tug, but most everyone made it through with little or no help. Chen, of course, was the first one with open diffs to make it through by climbing the bank to the left of the exit. Best ride through the hole was Two-Jeeps’ pal Joe in Two-Jeeps’ YJ with open diffs. Being a novice at ‘wheeling he was open to everyone’s advice, and listened to us when we told him to hammer it pretty good coming through the waterhole. Someone said, 'Should we tell him to close his windows?' and the answer came back 'No, he’ll figure it out . . .' Which he did as we all screamed in laughter at his surprised face peering out, splattered with the icy water he fountained up as he hit the far end of the waterhole. At that point someone called out 'Hey Joe, don’t forget to close your windows!' Last one through the hole was Evan in EE Rex. He’d lost the top of EE Rex on the way up, so we all stood around in anticipation of seeing two more guys get an ice bath, but Evan ruined the fun by gently walking through the water hole with nary a splash. Most of the rest of the trail was really not much more than a dirt road through the woods. As we neared midday we hit the last good obstacle of sorts on this portion of the trail, a steep hill climb with some small ledges up the summit of the area (Paine Hill?), a grassy open area crossed by an old rock wall, where we stopped for lunch. Trev’s gps told us we were lunching at 1275 feet of altitude. After a rest, lunch and some entertainment for the group provided by Mikey the Rat and Bulldog (WWF are a bunch of pussies compared to these two), we rolled on down to the road and traversed I-84 to pick up another section of trail that ran around Breakneck Pond. This was very scenic, with some icy water crossings. It was in one of these that I managed to separate my e-brake cable from the rest of the Jeep, so I was dangling cable for the rest of the day. Toward the end we did his a rocky hill that presented a challenge to climb and turned around at Cat Rocks, a large rocky formation where whether or not Evan earned himself a Bonehead Award is still being debated. He somehow managed to get EE Rex wedged behind a tree between two rocks in such a way that it took about 20 minutes of back and forth maneuvering to work his way out. Decision will be made at the Meeting this month. (Update: decision is in, he gets a Bonehead!) After this it was just an easy glide back down the hill and out to the park’n’ride, where the trailer-guys had left their tow-rigs parked. We aired up, re-connected (well, most of us; Bob Two-Jeeps lost his sway-bar disconnects, giving him a very soft ride home), and headed on down the road. At this point every gauge on my dashboard went dead. It had happened once or twice before, and they just as inexplicably came back on at those times. We rolled on down I-91 to exit 17, the location of Jacoby’s Steakhouse, a place we used to stop at after doing the now lost and lamented Lamentation Mountain trails. We walked in some 14 (?) of us, taking up a lot of space. At first they told us it would be at least a half hour before they could seat us, but I think, after taking another look at the group of ravening beasts we were, they found a secluded backroom where they sat us, thereby averting a feeding disaster and not offending their other guests as well. We chowed mightily on beef, good beef (a few guys behaved and ate chicken), and managed to regroup on the highway after gassing up. One more stop for the ritualistic hot apple pie from McD’s and coffee and the last leg home to a warm and welcoming bed. A pretty good day out on the trails. No major damage, new trails added to our repertoire, re-grouping of some old friends, all in all not a bad day. This is yer pres and ‘wheeling buddy saying adios until next time, and remember, if you can, to keep it rubber down and paint up.