The Northeast's premier trailride
On the Rocks 2004
Submitted by Doug Abrams

I'll start by saying that with only three weeks to go until the big event, we had only half the trucks registered that would make the whole thing pay for itself, and I was nervous. By the time it was all over, this proved to be the biggest 'On the Rocks' so far, with about 70 trucks registered for all or some part of the event. It turned out to be a great weekend, the wheeling was excellent, the food was good, and the camaraderie unbeatable.

Registration began Thursday evening. Registrants received a bag with vital documents and event T-shirts. Many thanks to Dorothea Lester (T-shirt mistress) of Long Island Off Road for the work in ordering and following up on the T's. Vehicles were inspected, trails chosen and waivers for Paragon Adventure Park signed and collected. Sue Simms of Hudson Valley 4 Wheelers rolled in with the bulk of our raffle prizes; thanks to Sue who did a great job despite the fact that she was basically out of touch with us for three months because she had been serving with the Air National Guard and been posted in Africa. Thanks to Sue too, for her service to our country as well.

Then it was off to Damon's for a meal and some liquid refreshment. As our large and already rowdy group were ushered to our table we found ourselves seated next to a table filled with our pals from Eastern 4 Wheelers, who were seated next to a table filled with folks from Hudson Valley 4 Wheelers; we were taking over the place! We'd like to thank Chris Smith of E4W for the lovely round of drinks he bought our table on his way out (shot glasses of MILK!). We are taking a year to plan our 'payback,' because as any good Long Islander knows, revenge is a dish best served cold.

Friday morning found us squinting at a hazy sky, wondering if the predicted thunderstorms would hold off through the day. It was hot and humid, but that didn't slow us down on the trails. I led about 15 trucks on the 'easy' trails; we had our share of fun, including sinking a Grand Cherokee on 36' boggers so deep in a mudhole that the tires disappeared. Paul T. from E4W tried to find the bottom of that same hole on Saturday with his Bronco on 38' tires. He didn't find the bottom either, but he did find that when one packs one's radiator with mud it reduces its cooling efficiency. Let me take this moment to thank Paul for his excellent work as Trailmaster for this event, and beg him to take on the task again next year. On Friday Paul also did some trailside bodywork on his Bronco, narrowing it overall by about two inches and ventilating the rear thoroughly by removing the glass from his left rear quarter. Unceremoniously. Bobby 'Two-Jeeps' Coco (LIOR) tested the submarine capabilities of his newly acquired yellow TJ (named Jake). Bob Coco has done a tremendous amount of work to help get 'On the Rocks' on the rocks. He towed the EC4WDA Raffle Jeep to Timbuktu and back, guided trails, and generally helped out with the preparations and registrations.

There were several other incidents of carnage on Friday; some worse than others. Dorothea called me over to see the big giant dent I made her get in her passenger side front door; barely pushed in, 'rock-rash' is more like it. However, for the most part everyone rolled back into the parking area at the Genetti Lodge with big dusty grins, ready to chow on dogs n' burgers at the OTR Big Barbecue. Meanwhile some people tested the flex on the LIOR's 23 degree ramp, with Chen the Madman (LIOR) taking honors with a RTI of almost 1300 in his super-flexy TJ. Thanks to Bob 'Scoutmaster' Blair (LIOR) for transporting the ramp, and also for his excellent service as a trailguide as well. While we're with the Blair family here I'd also like to thank Joan 'Scoutmistress' Blair for all her help in the registration booth and selling raffle tickets. And we might as well thank Rob 'Thrasher' Blair here for his help in selling tickets, and for his entertainment value in general; if you're wondering, his nickname of 'Thrasher' explains it all.

Friday evening we were visited by Gordon Bigelow, president of the Hazleton Rotary, where we had a chance to talk to him about what we do as organized wheelers. This came about because at our January meeting, the Region D executive board passed a measure in which we will become involved in some community service effort in any location where we hold a regional event. For On the Rocks we teamed up with the Hazleton Rotary for their 'Dictionary Days', in which they give a dictionary to every child in the Hazleton Public Schools on the first day of school. We raised $310.00 at OTR 2004 to contribute this effort through donations from our participants. It was interesting to watch Gordon's reaction to our event. He told me he came down expecting to see a few Jeeps and other 4X4's; he found the size and organization of this event to be a pleasant surprise. We talked about a number of issues involving wheeling and the public, including the importance of the self-regulation that organized wheeling provides, and of how our patronage of Paragon Adventure Park benefits all of Hazleton. This opportunity to reach out to the public, along with our efforts to contribute something to the Hazleton community, has garnered a great deal of good will and positive PR for us at Region D, for all of EC4WDA, and for our sport in general.

Saturday dawned wet, low and soggy. Thunderstorms and torrential rains had moved in just as the barbecue was breaking up on Friday night, and it rained off and on all night long and into the morning. We got lined up in the marshalling area, and once again the group for the 'easy' trails was huge. Luckily we had four trailguides with us (thanks to John 'Bulldog' Acconi of LIOR, to Glenn Clark of Team BigUgly and to Jamon and Joe from E4W for their help in trailguiding) which helped move us along until midday, when we broke into two groups; with Bulldog and I taking the less experienced group, and Glenn, John and Jamon taking the more adventurous part of the group off in another direction.

People who say dogs don't think or have emotions should have seen what came shortly after this. We were working our way up the trail called Logging Road, which is mostly an old dirt access road to the back corner of PAP. However down the middle of the road is a relatively deep washed out ditch. After advising most of my trail to simply stay up to the left, out of the ditch, I was playing with it, crossing back and forth, straddling, etc. The ditch kept getting deeper and deeper and steeper and steeper, and near the top I said to myself 'Time to climb out of this thing,' so I cut my wheels hard to the right to climb up out of the ditch. Wasn't happening. Even though I was locked up front and rear, I couldn't get traction to climb up, I just kept sliding deeper into the ditch until it got the point where I was just about laying on my passenger side with my left front wheel a good two to three feet up in the air. Bark the Jeep-dog, my ever-present and faithful companion, ended up lying on the rear passenger's door of my XJ, glaring at me with a disgust that was palpable. He'd been comfortably nestled in his bed of pillows and blankets in the back until I rolled him onto the door. It took him a good half-hour to look at me without disgust in his eyes . . . he's still demanding extra meat at dinner to make up for the indignities I put him through on that trail.

We finished the afternoon without any notable incidents, including a headlight deep puddle across the trail near the top of the mountain. But it was getting late and we were in the back corner of the Park. We had to head for the exit. I tried to keep the trail rolling along, but Murphy kept implementing his laws and it was nearly 6:30 by the time we hit the parking area at PAP. We discovered that we weren't the only ones having troubles getting out of the Park. In fact we ran into two other trails who were also rushing to make the 6:00pm closing time due to stucks and breakdowns. Fortunately we all made it out by about 6:30, and there were many of us, so the repercussions were minimal.

Saturday night was the big banquet. One again, Genetti Lodge layed out a delightful spread; food was gobbled, drinks quaffed and video tapes enjoyed. Hooray for Kevin S. from E4W. Last year he launched his XJ off an ATV jump, traveling about 30 feet through the air with a good ten feet of air under him, 'v'-ing his axles when he hit. Well, he finished re-building his XJ just in time to come to OTR 2004. One of the first things he said to me at registration was 'Not this year.' Is the suspense building? On the first day out he rolled his XJ, and not one of these simple, wimpy 'dropped it on its side' rolls, he ended up totally inverted, on his roof, with no glass left in the truck. Maaaaagnificent! Barry Kellerman, president of the East Coast 4 Wheel Drive Association, was our guest for the evening, and he spoke to some of the issues concerning the Association and Region D, gave news about the hard times Sugar Fields and her family are experiencing now and congratulating Erika Smith on her tenure as Region D Chair.

It isn't possible to say enough about the wonderful job Erika has done for Region D. According to our by-laws she cannot run for the office again, having served two consecutive terms, and I cannot imagine anyone effectively replacing her. The amount of time and the effort Erika put in to bring Region D back from the brink of disaster, where we were five years ago, is admirable. We all owe her a tremendous 'Thanks' for her work and time, and can only hope she stays as active as possible because of the incredible value of her contributions to the Region and to the Association.

Sunday was a perfect day. The air was clear and dry, the sun bright and glittering off the puddles left by the heavy rains of the day before. I ended up leading out the 'easy' trails again, and again a big group chose these trails. Last day, no one wanted to break anything, and there was still a lot of moisture, which ups the difficulty of any trail. We took a new trail at Paragon, in fact still unnamed, though many of us agreed a good name for this trail would be 'Long and Winding Road.' One of our LIOR people, whose name I will leave out here out of mercy, ran out of gas about midday. His excuse? 'I was late this morning . . .' So, if you're late for the airport, don't stop to pick up your ticket? Either way, you ain't goin', are you?! He had enough gas to get himself out of the Park, and we confiscated his LIOR T-shirt out of embarrassment. Let this be a lesson to all of you: GAS UP BEFORE YOUR RIDE!! He will be awarded a Bonehead sticker at the next LIOR meeting.

Sunday ended without major incident. I know we have to make better efforts at improving trail etiquette, like waiting for the truck behind you and watching your spotters, but all in all everyone did well, we all behaved (in public, anyway) and I haven't heard a complaint about anything yet. I guess we'd have to conclude that OTR 2004 was at least a great a success at OTR 2003, and we are already planning our improvements for OTR 2005 .

I know there are a lot of people who helped out whose names I haven't mentioned; it's not intentional, just a result of my youth during the 1960's (you know what they say, if you remember the 60's you weren't really there). I'd like to at least mention Dave Brill (E4W) and thank him for his tireless efforts as Land-use Chair, not just for the Region but for the entire Association, and his help as a trailguide for OTR. The ballroom is already booked for next year's banquet, so put aside Friday through Sunday, August 19th-21st, 2005 for On the Rocks 2005. If you like to wheel and love a good time, you'll be there!