Well to start this trail report which was supposed to be written by Dimitri, but I am forced to do it, which sucks, I want to be perfectly clear that a sucky weekend wheeling still beats doing anything else.
The trip up: My dad and I leave on time 12:45 to meet the rest of our crew; Jake and Ben, Howie and Mike Smith, and Dan Jacobson (the less sucky Dan) at the Pickle Park at exit 49 off the LIE which I was told by Howie that at night there is a lot of sucking going on. Dads sucky CB does not work. At the Pickle Park I give my dad my spare CB that sucks just as bad as the first CB and just buzzes, so off we go. We hit traffic due to an accident on the LIE that sucks. Our sunny day turns to rain that sucks. We hit traffic through half the trip. Can you believe it sucked. It takes over six hours to do a 4 hour trip. "SUCKS"
Arrival: We meet some other members, include Jim and Rob and Bill. We check in to a sucky hotel with a slow sucky women at the desk that gives us sucky advice on where to eat. Howie and Mike's room has no AC that sucks, so they switch rooms.
Dinner: We are told by the sucky clerk at the hotel to go to the Ponderosa. You have to order your food off the pictures on the wall and prepay for your beyond sucky meal. The food sucked, the service sucked, the whole place sucked. The company was great
That night: Sucky nights sleep in a sucky bed. Only got 4 sucky hours of sleep. Might have been bed bugs sucking my blood. Wade, Mike Lohmann, Adam and Jeff go to check in at about 2 am only to find out they don't have a room. that really sucks. Howie and Mike unknowingly was given their room. Adam get a call from his wife that she is in labor and drives back home at 4 am. That is Great News!! Congrates. Hope all went well.
Next Morning: Beyond sucky free continental breakfast. Weather looking sucky with scattered rain drops. Amazingly enough we all got up early, probably do to the bed bugs and left on time.
The ride to Rock Park: Typical ride to trail head with the passing turns, and making u turns with trailers and all. Dans sucky tow rig(sucky Dan's)spewing smoke trying to kill fellow club members while trying to not blow itself up.
At the park: Most of us park on the street because the parking field was muddy and they were afraid that the field would suck up our tow rigs. As we unloaded our trucks, mosquitos were trying to suck our blood. We enter the park about 17 sucky rigs in all. Rob and Jim in robs JK, the only rig that did not totally suck, Garrett in his TJ Rubby, Ben and Jake in Ben's CJ, Howell and Mike in Howie's YJ, Wade in Jeff's Toyota mini truck, Jeff in his own XJ, Mike Lohmann in his Toyota 4 Runner, My dad in his YJ, Not sucky Dan in his YJ, Sucky Dan in his sucky XJ-YJ- sucky buggy thingamabob, Bob and a young John Lennon in the Howler, Bill in his XJ Brian and Mat in Brians ZJ, Amesa in his JK, Gene the Russian in his JK and me in E Rex plus trail guides. On the trail for 2 minutes and we hear that new member Mike Lohmann say he forgot to get gas. That Sucks. I gave him some of my gas, but he had to suck it out. He sucked and sucked and sucked. I guess he learned a thing or two as a prison guard. I thought I was watching deep throat complete with life like sucking sounds and porno jazz in the back ground. But we could not get a prime. Part of the fuel line dropped in my fuel cell, that sucks so we gave up on the siphon method and I just pulled my high pressure fuel line off and used my fuel pump to pump about 2.5 gallons of gas. Mike you owe me $40. That really sucks. Mike officially broke the record for how quickly a new member received his first bone head. 2.2 minutes into his first trail ride. That is priceless. I think he wants to give Brian a run for his money for most Bone heads.
First major obstacle is a stream crossing followed by a steep rocky ravine climb. I don't know all the details, but Ben aka Bam Bam beats the hell out off his newly rear locked V8 CJ. After multiple trys, we hear that famous shot gun sound. Broken rear axle. That SUCKS. luckily we were just yards from the street. Ben and Jake limp it back to the trailer and hitched a ride for the rest of the day. The rest of us battle up the climb. At the top of the hill is a little hill climb about a truck and a half in length. Well it got quite greasy. My fathers mud tires sucked up mud like a sponge and he could not make the little climb. that sucked. Then Gene could not make the climb. That really sucked. then the biggest sucker of us all Sanford, I mean sucky Dan with his buggy and 40 inch swampers made a down right embarrassing attempt at climbing this little hill. He was running 18 psi of pressure in his tires, no front shocks, inactive winch and just an overall high suck factor.
While Dan was entertaining us Jeff broke his steering box in the stream. He ripped the box right off the frame. That Really, Really SUCKS. Mike Lohmann is now up to his crotch it water, cold water trying to strap the box to the frame so they can kinda steer the crippled XJ. THAT REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SUCKS. Good thing that our driving sucked so bad this weekend that we really never got far from the street. They limped the XJ on the trailer along with Mike's 4 Runner and went home wet and pissed. That sucks. After Mike and Jeff got off the trail and I pulled Dans suck- buggy up the hill, the club continued slipping and sliding down down the trail. Thankfully my Swampers did not suck nearly as bad as the radial mud tires. Most of the club was hammering up these little muddy inclines. It was very embarrassing. How are we going to climb rocks? The answer, not well. We basically beat the hell out of our rigs, blowing tires, winching, breaking drive shafts and just generally sucking. Actually the only one who did everything without winching was crazy Jims son, crazy Rob in his JK.
After being rained on hard, hardly being able to move none the less rock crawling, we decided to leave the trail. It was an exhausting day of doing nothing. We just sucked. It was like we were all driving stock YJ's The trail was a 5+ and our rigs were rated a 1. There was a guy with a buggy that made us look even more stupid, but at least we got to see someone wheel. He put on quite the show including a roll. We rolled him back with muscle power. For the rest of us it was suckfest 2011. The trail is actually really good, but the rain just made it undoable for our sucky rigs, but I want to go back to redeem myself.
Leaving the the trail I am the first on the street with Mike Smith in my rig. We see Dans suck rig, I mean sucky tow rig in the middle of the street with the trailer jackknifed. We thought it was just Dans sucky parking but it was really caused by Dans sucky parking or should I say improper parking. He did not use his parking brake and did not put the sucky tow rig all the way in park. Anyway we loaded our rigs and headed back to end Suckfest 2011.
The end of suckfest: From this point on the wave of suckyness passed. We got back to the hotel, even Dans suck rig made it back. We cleaned up and got ready for dinner. We were met by fellow inactive member Vinney Lam and his twin stacked D Max who has a house about 40 minutes from where we were.. We actually had a good Dinner at a sports bar and some good laughs. We joked about sucking and Dan watts is a great sport. He openly admitted that he had a high suck factor this week end. Dans luck even changed for the better. Vinny agreed to tow Dans suckybuggy back to L.I. with his D Max. I actually had a good nights sleep, we got up early, had a great ride home, under 4 hours and was home by 11:30.
Note: All comments containing the words suck, sucky, suckyness, suck rig and any statement with any words resembling the aformentioned words are the sole ownership of Evan Silverman and cannot be used without written consent. All use of said words are for comical use only and are in no way meant to hurt anyone's feelings, but Dan Watts really SUCKED this weekend. Evan
