So our October run (Harvest Special) is always a grand success and add the great weather and an early start by myself, and it was the perfect weekend. This report is going to have great tales of the thrill of victory, the agony of the feet, ghosts and Homosexual tendencies. So dim the lights, grab a comfortable seat, a blanky, flashlight and popcorn and enjoy the ride.
So the majority of the club shared sleeping quarters known as the loft, circa 1891-1979 decorated in early disaster and filled with old unwanted couches that probably had nasty things
done on them. The "loft" consisted of six rooms, one large living room and one bathroom. All rooms were shared except for Gene the Russin's("I vill noot sleep wit no vone, that would be
gay"). Two of the other rooms were shared by male, female couples not gay and the third was father and son (either not gay or really sick) and then there was Glenn and I and Mat and
Brian. Although Glenn might go both ways (He definitely likes girls but also has homosexual tendencies) at least we had separate beds. That leave Mat and Brian sharing a single bed,
quite cozy and possibly gay you decide.
On the scary note, the room that Joe and Andy shared gave everyone goose bumps. When Glenn spoke to his wife Michelle who is clairvoyant, she said that an old lady ghost lived in the
loft. We were a little scared, so we did what any normal group of scared people would do if staying at a haunted hotel. We ate a lot of barbequed meat stuff and drank our faces off. We
were so drunk, full and tired (we went to bed after 3 am) that not the scariest ghost could bother us.
Ted the Fed passes out on the couch even though he had a room at the Oxbow (Agony). We got up 4 hours later to a beautiful morning. Special agent Ted was gone
but his shoes remained. Very interesting and a little spooky. With Ted missing we had nothing to do but eat so I fried up some eggs and Brian grilled up some sausage (of course) and we
had a quick breakfast and proceeded to unload our rigs and prepare for a day of wheeling. We found Ted. He walked back to his hotel without his shoes. He could not find his shoes when
he left because they were sitting right in front of him. Some special agent. This is the guy that is supposed to protect us from terrorists. (O the Agony).
After a typical delayed start we head to Old Florida Road but we came to a halt a few minutes later after Dan Jacobson almost loses his wheels after all his lug nuts were loose. (Agony)
We replace some of the missing lugs and tightened everything up and off we went. After another 20 minutes of driving (we had to drive around some washed out roads due to the hurricane)
we stop again. Ben Mulderig blows a rear u joint and takes out his rear yoke. (O the Agony). My feet were already hurting. Well luckily we had spare parts and were up and running after
another 30 minutes. (Victory) We finally get to Florida Road at about 11:00 and we got rolling. Dan with JC as shotgun is leader. (you have to watch out for those hicks, they can close
their eyes and image you are a beautiful women. Gay?) Any who Dan with some heavy petting from JC walks the first obstacle,(Victory) 2 tries and I got up (Victory) . After this,
winching, rock stacking and a lot of RPM was the order of the day. The wheel base and ground clearance of mine and Dans rigs were perfect for this obstacles. The XJ's and ZJ's did well
on this obstacle as well also. The 93.5-95 in wheel base seemed too short and the 120 inch 4 door JK's seemed a little too long.
Bobby learned to check his oil on his JK (over 4 quarts low O the Agony of being a JK owner). We did learn that like Barbara, like Barbara. Eddie Barbara loves that rev limiter just
like his cousin. (victory and agony of the feet depending on wheel base, oil level and redline).
Obstacle # 2 gave us the same type of problems as obstacle #1. As we were battling the obstacle Amanda has major tire problems. All her tires were going flat. (Agony especially for the
Mulderig Bros.) We enjoyed lunch while Ted the Fed back tracked to help Amanda and Jake with his on board air. More assorted victories and agony. When that flat repair crew caught up we
gave them some much needed meat. Stephanie brought out her new invention, Browne cup cakes which we all gobbled up. Well in more typical LIOR fashion we pissed off some homo's in JK's
and they had to send their lesbian girl friend to yell at us and tell us they were waiting for us to move. In our defense, we were waiting for Amanda's rig to get fixed and we had an
other group of rigs in front of us so we figured why not eat and we did offer the people behind us food.
After reaching the official eating spot and top of the trail we headed down the back side of the trail down towards the beaver pond. Well this section of trail is usually a little bumpy
but really nothing difficult. Well hurricane Irene did us a real favor and washed the trail out leaving deep washouts and exposing big rock formations. Florida road is 100% better. (Victory).
At the end of the trail comes the discussion as to how to leave the trail. We can go through the water which is deep or do the go around that might be private property. Both ways are in
question as to which is more legal. Well Dan takes his YJ first through the water and makes it no problem. All that wanted to leave made it across including open XJ's on 33's. Well this
is where I saw the most gay event of the whole trip. It made Mat sleeping with Brian look like soft porn, that is how triple x gay this was. The president of LIOR with his son's YJ on
35's, double locked, 4 inches of lift along with no carpet and a Rino lined floor was absolutely besides himself about going across the pond. He was not afraid about getting water in
his diff's, he was not afraid of getting water in his trans, he was not afraid about getting water in his T case, he was not even afraid of hydro locking his engine. What put the fear
of death in Joe was getting the Jeep dirty. Do you believe that, DIRTY? GAY GAY GAY!!! (Oh The Agony) He should have given Andy the room for himself and shared a room with Mat and
Brain. This is so embarrassing that I almost did not want to write about it, but you know me, anything for a laugh.
It was getting late but the trail looked like it would be so much fun to run backwards that a group of us decided to stay in the woods and wheel Florida backwards in the dark. The trail
ride went relatively smooth except for Bob who lost a bead (Agony). He does that every time he wheels in the dark. The trail backwards was technical but there was a lot of traction and
everyone was double locked so we really had no issues (Victory). Then to end the day of wheeling on a high note, Bob tore a valve out of his rim while airing up (Agony). We put on is
spare, all get aired up and leave the trail a little after 9 pm.
We decided to get dinner at the Charlemont Inn which is also supposed to be haunted. Bob must have been very hungry because he was driving like an absolute maniac. Dimitri refused to
let an old man in an even older rig out drive him. Glenn gave it his best college try to keep up but it was not going to happen and E Rex was going to have a stroke, but it was fun and
scary driving in the pitch dark with washed out roads and closed lanes with assorted obstacles at full throttle.
When we arrived at the Charlemont Inn, it looked like the restaurant was closed, and it was (O the Agony). We must have looked really hungry because the cook was kind enough to fire the
kitchen back up and cook us dinner (Victory). I guess the fact that we spent over $200 was worth serving us. We appreciated it greatly.
After dinner we head back to our rooms and we all went to sleep a little more sober and much earlier than the night before, especially Ted.
The next morning the Red Rose Inn looked like a repair shop. Amanda and Steph went and picked up breakfast (Victory) as we dismounted all 4 of Amanda's tires and cleaned the dirt out of
the beads, replaced a valve in Bob's tire, replaced Bob's right front hub, disassembled Dan's right rear brakes trying to fix a noise and did an alignment on Bill's XJ (Oh my aching
feet). After doing a few hundred dollars worth of repairs (retail pricing) we go to the gas station causing a cluster f--k as usual. We also notice that Brians ZJ has a ton of negative
camber on his left front wheel. Out comes the high lift (Agony). He has a bad bearing but we decide to risk it and leave it alone. After JC has another one of his PMS moments we head to Tunnel Road.
With Bob and JC in the lead (boy that JC really gets around), I followed with the rest of our motley crew behind me. Well Tunnel was a lot more difficult than I was lead to believe with
a few good obstacles (Victory). Even some of the double locked vehicles had some trouble on the first obstacle. The second obstacle had an even tougher line if you wanted to take it. Ed
the Throttle Barbara blew both front axles at the same time throwing shrapnel across the trail (Agony). You know what that means? LUNCH. While eating lunch Ed with fellow club members
remove his broken axles so he can limp out in 2wd, Brian along with his man friend Mat replace his loose left front hub bearing and the tail of the club kept battling obstacle #2.
Glenn, I beat on my Jeep like I beat my meat Teplica shears a tie rod end (cheap Auto Zone crap) so more repairs needed. (Agony) Note Amanda in her unlocked XJ on 33's did all the
obstacles with much finesse and made some of the locked guys look silly. She uses her Zen and Chi. Good for her, I was proud. (Victory)
After lunch was really just some enjoyable scenic trail riding with some smaller rock formations which we took to a place called top of the world. We hung out for a while and enjoyed
our surroundings and then headed out. Bob, Gene and Dan decided to wheel Torrie road which was supposedly very good and the rest of us air up and headed back to the trailers and headed home.
The ride home was uneventful except that we stopped at you guessed it Cracker Barrel. Perfect end to a perfect weekend. (Victory)
I would like to apologize to all in the gay and lesbian community including those that are a part of our club. Any gay comments were just used in jest and for entertainment purposes, but seriously, wasn't it really gay that Joe did not want to get Andy's Jeep dirty? Evan
Having read Evan's report and apology, please reflect on two facts:
It was proposed that the LIOR logo be changed, using the likeness of the Montauk Lighthouse flanked by two boulders.
Even though that graphic was not adopted, ever since then Evan has pushed for changing the logo.
I think you can believe his apology -Ed.
