NEA4WDC Snow Run
February 18, 2012
by Evan Silverman
"Wayne's World, Wanyne's World, party on". This is a quote from the Saturday Night Live skit from the 90's. Well like Wayne's World the skit, this weekend was a bit of a joke. We consider ourselves a pretty hard core club, but these guys made us look like amatuers. With some nudging from our "fearful" leader Joe , we arrive at the Wayne's World property on time.
LIOR members consisted of Joe in his shiny TJ on 33's, Wonder Boy and Mrs. Wonder Boy in the Red and Mostly Black Wonder Wagon on 35's (back for the 2012 season), Ted the Fed in his mean green TJ on 36's, Mean Gene the mad Russian in his 35 inch equipped JK, Mike I have one hell of a CJ Scotilly on 35's, Brian I actually do need a Dana 60 and a girl friend Stifler on 33's with his trusty side kick Matt who also needs a girl friend (just don't let them tell you what to do and don't let them stop you from going wheeling, as a matter of fact, scrap the girl friend idea, my bad), Ed thank God I have a 4 spd automatic on 35's and me in my Station Wagon on 4 doughnuts I mean 33 inch BFG's.
Actually we waited over an hour for everyone else to arrive. Well one look around the parking field, and we knew that we brought a bunch of knives to a gun fight. 35's looked like 28's and 33's looked like doughnuts. I never saw so many 1 ton and larger axles (yes some Rockwells) and huge tires all together in one place except for at Monster Jam. There were a total of 5 rigs with Dana 30's and we had 4 of them. (Where is Mike B. when we need him) I was regretting bringing my XJ.
Well after being intimidated looking around the parking field we lined up to head into the woods. We are following what once was a CJ with Rockwells on 44-19.50's powered by a Big Block 454 Chevrolet. Well after some tight spots and some boulders, Joe (in his opinion) destroyed his rear quarter on a large rock. He actually nicked it and put a small dent (I mean small) and a few scratches in his very shiny TJ. After the tight squeeze where our "fearful" leader totals his TJ there is a muddy hill climb. I hear the leaders Big Block open up climbing the hill. He left us some nice 44 inch ruts. Wonder Boy (yes he is
back for the 2012 season) also hammers it up the hill. Next is the Station Wagon. I hammered the poor girl to no avail. Out comes the winch. Next is Stifler (Brian in is ZJ). You will never guess what happens. BROKEN AXLE!! Winch him up, work on axle. Mean time another ZJ on 38.5 swampers on Humvee wheels blows a bead and can't get it to reseat (no internal bead locks) next up is Ed B. Ed does not hit the rev limiter anymore. He learned a new trick. He just leaves the trans in drive and lets it up shift. Well for the climb his poor LJ hit overdrive and the wheels were spinning at about Mach 1. Needless to say he did not make it. He actually almost dumped it on it's side. We decide this climb is futile and turn our group around.
On our way to the next set of obstacles, we find a wounded Suzuki/Yota buggy thingamabob. He ripped his upper control arm bridge off his rear axle, after he first broke his pinion gear on his FJ60 axle. Needing to weld the mount back so the buggy can be pulled out of the woods, Ted volunteers to weld it for him with his Premiere Power Welder. Gene and I stay with Ted and the rest of the group leaves to go have some fun. Gene and I prepped the material that needed to be welded while Ted got his welding gear together. Ted laid his first tack and it was perfect. He then tacks the other side and everything is set pretty much exactly in the same place before it broke. He then proceeds to weld it back together. He did an excellent job with good penetration. The buggy was then pulled out of the woods backwards (due to the broken pinion locking up when rolled forwards) by a guy named Lucas Murphy (he just came back from the KOH and finished 26th). Well he pulled that poor suyota out of the woods at about 80 mph. The rear axle even hit a tree once, but Teds weld did not budge. Good job Ted.
We followed the guys out to the field where they were cooking lunch. I tried to call VPD to have the club come out for lunch but I could not reach him, so I called Joe. He was so flustered over some hill climb that he did not tell everyone that lunch was ready. Ted, Gene and I grab a quick bite to eat then head back in the woods to look for our motley crew of undersized off roaders. We find part of our crew but have to go through 2 sets of obstacles to meet them. We get through the first set no problem. At the second set of boulders I start to have problems. I knew I should have gotten a spot but I didn't. I slip off one of the boulders and get jammed up. I was actually driving nice and easy, taking my time when I heard the telltale CRACK sound. Ted tells me my right rear tire is not turning. Can it be, did I break a Dana 44 rear axle? Impossible. Well first I have to get unstuck. Well my friend Gene comes to my rescue. We started getting frustrated and we start yelling at each other like a married couple. After Gene yelling in Russian and me yelling in NY slang (I thought WWIII was about to start) we finally get the Station Wagon on some flat ground. A quick look and I see the front axle is pushed back into the fender. I tore the control arm bracket off the front diff. Dang I beat the hell out of the poor girl and I only wheeled for a total of 5 minutes, not too shaby. I winch my own front axle forward and limp out of the woods. After getting the wagon back to the shop and taking her apart, I discovered that I did break a right rear axle. Time for 60's not. Everything breaks and axles are relatively cheap plus I have a few spares.
On the way out of the woods we see Wonder Boy in what used to be the Red Wonder Wagon (now the Red and Mostly Black Wonder Wagon Back for the 2012 Season, I have to shorten that new name) keeping up with that CJ on 44's making LIOR look GOOOD. We watch Dimitri do his thing and Brian try to do his thing. Is he cwazy, he is trying to follow a Jeep on 44's and Wonder Boy. Its like he is in an imaginary world, kind of like Wayne's World, Wayne's World. Brian winches up and then we head out to load up on the trailers. Joe and the others in our group are already out of the woods. Unfortunately the barbeque was done
and Stephanie and D were left starving. We were all loaded up and ready to go but Matt was still in the woods with some guy. Brian said we could leave, but he seemed very shook up about Mat being with some strange guy in a stranger Jeep doing only God knows what. (I thought I heard slurping noises in the distance) so we waited with with Brian for Matt. We waited, and waited and waited. Eventually Matt came out out of the woods walking a little funny but in relatively good shape.
Now the only thing left was to get out of the very muddy parking field especially after a guy in a worked Ford F250 turbo diesel tears the hell out of the exit and gets stuck. Nothing was stopping Wonder Boy (VPD) this weekend including his one wheel drive E250. Joe tries to follow D in 2wd with his no-terrain tires, he is denied. The smart guys shift in 4wd before we even start moving and get out with no problems.
We get back to the hotel, have some drinks and some laughs, eat at the Longhorn steak house, more drinks and even more laughs. Back to hotel, few more drinks and say our goodnights. Head home at 8 am. Great time once again "PARTY ON, WAYNE'S WORLD, PARTY ON". Evan - part time trail reporter