Behind The Church
September 15, 2012
by Evan Silverman
Through the pearly white gates of the Seaport church, up the gravel trail and into the pits of HELL. Jake (if I did not have bad luck I would have no luck at all) Mulderig breaks a right front axle joint 10 feet into the trail with no spare axle. He said "I am done for the day". Not, unluckily for Jake I had a spare joint and the axle was repairable. We let the rest of the club pass and then Jake, Amanda, my passenger (Bob and Joan's friend Doug) and I start to repair the crippled rig. Half way through the repair Brian (my luck makes Jakes luck look great) and his other gay side kick Aaron come walking out of the woods with broken axle shaft and unit bearing in hand. They needed to use my impact gun to remove the axle nut.
We get Jake's truck buttoned up (the ears are tweaked on the axle and the joint I gave him was made in my favorite country, CHINA, but it was together) and we head down the trail only to find Brian and side kick Aaron on foot again. Brian told us that the Detroit broke from the axle detination. I forgot to mention that Brian had brand new, old worn out 36 inch Super Swamper TSL's on the poor ZJ. I gave Brian some great advice "Keep wheelin". He took me up on the advice.
In the mean time Jake and I are doing loop 1 catching up to the tail of our group. Doug my passenger was quite brave and did not even squeal when I leaned the CJ hard to the passenger side. 80% of my roll overs are to the passenger side which I told him before he ever got in E Rex. Jake and I are going through all the toughest spots doing quite well. The trail was completely dry, just dust and rocks and traction was unbelievable, maybe a good thing maybe not. It is a cruel joke the devil likes to play on us off roaders. Anyway I wrestle the CJ through a very tight section followed by Jake and Amanda in their 25% bigger early Bronco. All I know is one minute everything is calm and the next minute I hear the classic shot gun blast, but this time it was accompanied by sparks and then smoke. What the "hell" happened? Well that devil is crafty and the traction proved too much for the poor Chinese joint I gave Jake. Not only did it explode, but part of the cross (interesting ha) flew into the engine compartment and punched a hole in the poor Bronco's radiator. (That devil hates crosses, but seems to hate Bronco's even more).
After winching and high-lifting we get the leaky Bronco on some level ground. We clean up the fluids on the floor and walk out of the woods for another fine lunch. We eat lunch, clean up and head back into the pits of hell. Well we all know that Brian is very competitive and did not want to be out done by hard luck Jake so he decides to try and follow Blaine and parks his ZJ on a huge boulder, cork screwing his rear drive shaft. He screwed his shaft and the devil screwed him. The devil evdently hates ZJs more then Broncos and crosses or at least he hates Brian. Now he is down to 1.5 wheel drive (remember front locker is not working too well it would lock and unlock). After a lot of high-lifting and winching thanks to Bob's old Super Winch we get him off the boulder. He removes the broken shaft and I decide to leave Brian and actuallt wheel a little.
After the obstacle "TI" we start heading out but not before someone or maybe multiple people run over a wasps nest and we start receiving an arial attack from angry wasps or maybe they are the devils minions. Many people have welts on their body's this morning. There were at least a dozen stings.
Jake, Bob, Adam and I are out and on the trailers but the rest of the club is a no show. Bob's friend Doug heads back into the pits of hell to retrieve his wife, she was riding with someone, not sure who. 40 minutes later he comes out with his wife on foot. His wife (I forgot her name sorry) says "that guy is in big trouble". She is talking about Brian. I tell Bob and friends to leave (they went to Mohegan Sun) and Jake and Amanda headed up to Vermont. Adam tries to get the 5:00 ferry and I walk back into the pits of hell. I was not going to risk bringing the Jeep back in so I decide to do the unthinkable and walk.
When I run into everyone which was not far from the exit I find Blaine trying to pull out Brian. He broke another axle, now down to .5 wheel drive, tore his steering box off the frame so no steering and the box ripped open the radiator hose (Boy that devil likes the taste of antifreeze), his winch is not working and worst off all his tail gate was having trouble latching. So now with no power, no steering, hardly any brakes we painfully pull the really crippled ZJ out off the woods. A few blown beads, a few near death experiences, a few laughs and a few hours later we finally get that total piece of sh-t out of the woods, but the Devil did not let us leave without a fight, but good always prevails over evil and all was good when we finally reached the sanctuary of the church parking lot. Jim and Rob head to the ferry, Blaine and Warren load up the trailers and Maqsood winched the broken heap onto Brian's trailer.
Other small damage that I know of was Blaine tail light thanks to Brian, Maqsood had some minor body damage and a banged up drive shaft, Bob had power steering problems and had to wrestle the Howler out of the woods, I broke a shock and I am sure some other things happened that I don't know about.
It is funny how people are always being tempted by the devil and maybe that is why we love BTC so much but by the end of the day we always see the light of good and come back to the church. Can I get a hallelujah!!! I would like to thank JT4x4 for anther great day and a lot of material for a good trail report. As for LIOR, we should all pray for Brian, hallelujah!!! May his heap be healed. Thank Jesus.